Grandma watches the baby: gift, duty or a job?

Three days a week, the baby goes to Grandma's. Everyone is grateful. Not everyone sees it the same way.

See It From · November 1, 2026

A child's sippy cup beside a porcelain teacup and a pair of reading glasses on a kitchen table

The thing itself

Before daycare and nannies there was Grandma. She is still one of the biggest sources of childcare there is, and usually unpaid.

In Canada, 58% of children aged 0 to 5 were in some kind of child care in 2025, and 12% were cared for by a relative. Half of parents (50%) said they had trouble finding child care, up from 46% in 2023 (Statistics Canada, October 21, 2025).
Full-time centre-based care cost parents an average of $435 a month in 2025, down from $663 in 2022 (Statistics Canada, October 2025).
In the US, 69% of grandparents provide some care for grandchildren and 15% do it daily or almost daily. Those who help give an average of about 511 hours a year, close to 10 hours a week (AARP, June 2026).

Seen from four chairs

Grandma, 68, retired nurse

I have him Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I like it, I really do. I worked nights when my own kids were small and missed a lot.

It's tiring, though. I'm 68. In May my sister asked me to go to Ireland with her and I said no, because they didn't have anyone for those weeks. I wouldn't take money from them, it would feel strange. I'd just like them to ask me sometimes instead of assuming. And not get upset if he has a cookie.

The mother, 34

We were on three waitlists when my leave ended. If she hadn't offered, I don't know what we'd have done. Probably I'd have stayed home.

The hard part is the small stuff. With a daycare you just say he naps at one and no tablet. With my mother-in-law, if I say that, it sounds like I'm criticizing her, and she's doing it for free. I've thought about offering to pay her just so it feels normal to ask. My husband says she'd be offended.

A grandfather down the street, 70

I came on a super visa when my granddaughter was born. Back home in Chengdu this is normal, the grandparents help. Nobody talks about paying. I'd feel strange if my daughter offered.

It's good for me too. I don't speak much English and I don't know many people here. During the week it's me and the baby. On weekends, when they're home, I don't really know what to do with myself.

The aunt, 31

I don't have kids, so nobody really asks what I think. Mom watches my brother's son three days a week, and that's fine. But when I asked her to help me move, she said she was too tired. I get it. It still stung a bit.

I'm not mad at anybody. I just think when one kid gets that much help, the others notice, even if nobody says so.

In their own words

The four people above are composites. These are real people. In one analysis of Reddit discussions about it, 42% of commenters said grandparents shouldn't be paid to babysit and about 16% said they should (Purebaby, reported by The Senior, January 2026).

“I don't need to be paid, I would do it regardless. … I am also of the belief that not everything we do in life we should be paid for either.”

— Libby Hall, 61, who looks after her three grandchildren every week, in Wodonga, Australia (The Senior, January 2026)

“Honestly, a lot of grandparents like myself are still working.”

— Kathy Buckworth, author of Go-To Grandma, on CTV (November 2025)

“Can the relationship withstand the grandparents saying, 'Yeah, I'll do that for you, but write me a cheque.'”

— Kathy Buckworth, same interview

What each of them gets right

Grandma is like most grandparents who help: she wants to do it. She'd also like to be asked.
The mother has a real problem. It's hard to set rules with someone you can't pay, and with half of Canadian parents struggling to find care, she knows how lucky she is.
The grandfather is describing what many families take for granted: helping across generations is expected, and it gives him a place in a new country.
The aunt is right that a grandparent's time is limited, and siblings notice where it goes.

One thing to try

Talk about it on a day off, not at the door. Every few months, sit down and ask: Is this still working for you? What would make it easier? Which rules matter most to each of us? If money would feel wrong, there are other ways: pay for her gas, or book a week of daycare so she gets a holiday.

The four people in “Seen from four chairs” are composites, written from the research, reporting and first-person accounts below. They are not real individuals. The quotes under “In their own words” are from real people, as published in the linked sources. Numbers were checked on November 1, 2026.

Sources

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