Why won't my kid answer the phone?

Grandma, 78

When I was young, a long-distance call cost money by the minute. If someone called you, it meant you mattered enough to spend that money. My mother waited all week for my Sunday call.

So when I call my granddaughter and it rings and rings, I do not think "she is busy." I think something has happened. A text is nice, but I cannot hear in a text whether she is tired or happy. Her voice tells me she is all right.

Dad, 52

I work in logistics. A two-minute call solves what takes twenty texts. When I need to know if she is coming for dinner Saturday, I want an answer, not a thread.

What bothers me is that she sees the call. I know she does, because the text comes ten seconds later: "what's up?" If you can type that, you could have picked up.

Daughter, 24

My phone is on silent almost all the time, like most of my friends. If I picked up every call I would be answering on the subway, in meetings, in the middle of a sentence with someone else.

An unplanned call says "drop everything now." When Grandma calls out of nowhere, my stomach drops before I even answer, because in my world calls are for emergencies. A text lets me reply properly, when I can actually give her my attention.

I do love talking to her. I just want to call her when I am sitting down with tea, not when I am carrying groceries.

Her manager, 36

I sit right in the middle. Our clients still call, and some of my youngest staff freeze when the desk phone rings. They are great at writing and terrible at being interrupted.

What helped was not lecturing. We booked short calls in the calendar instead of cold-calling each other, and suddenly everyone was fine on the phone. The problem was never talking. It was the surprise.