The Gen Z stare: rude, tired, or just a different hello?
Same coffee counter, same three questions. A retired customer, a 20-year-old barista, the owner and a 34-year-old regular.
The thing itself
You say "Hi, how are you?" at a counter. The young person on the other side looks at you and doesn't say anything. Online, people started calling that the "Gen Z stare."
- The term spread on TikTok and hit the mainstream news in July 2025, with explainers in The New York Times (July 14) and NBC News (July 18). It's still argued about in 2026.
- In the NBC piece, University of Alabama media professor Jessica Maddox said she sees it in her own classes and that it "very much accelerated after we returned to campus after Covid protocols." She also said "Internet culture loves a generational feud."
- There is no survey that measures it. Most of what people say about it is from their own experience on one side of the counter.
Same three questions, four people
We asked each of them: What did you see? What worries you? What do you wish the other person knew?
Linda, 71, retired, gets a coffee most mornings in Burlington
What did you see? I said good morning, how's your day going. She just looked at me. Not mean. Just nothing. Then she said "what can I get you."
What worries you? That nobody's teaching them this. When I worked at the bank you greeted everybody, even on bad days. That was the job.
What do you wish she knew? For a lot of us, that two minutes at the counter is the only chat we have before lunch. I'm not asking for a show. Just a hello back.
Jayden, 20, barista, second year at college
What did you see? A lady asked how my day was. It was 7:15 and I'd made like ninety drinks. I didn't really have an answer, so I waited for her order.
What worries you? That every small thing turns into a video about my whole generation. I'm not being rude. I'm being quiet. Some customers ask really obvious stuff too, like if the oat milk has oats, and yeah, I stare a bit then.
What do you wish she knew? I'm friendly with the regulars once I know them. I'm just not good at fake cheerful with strangers. I don't think that's a crime.
Mrs. Han, 54, owns the cafe, moved from Seoul in 2001
What did you see? I saw both of them. Linda comes every day, she always tips. Jayden is my best worker, fastest on the machine, never late.
What worries you? Small cafe. If Linda stops coming, I feel it. But if I tell Jayden "smile more," maybe he quits. I need both of them.
What do you wish they knew? In Korea the way I grew up, staff bowed and said a long greeting, and here people told me that was too much. So "polite" is different everywhere. I told Jayden just say her name. He does now.
Priya, 34, a regular who works in HR
What did you see? Honestly, I laughed. I made one of those TikToks last summer, me staring blankly at my phone while my mom talked. It got like four thousand views.
What worries you? At work I do see new grads who don't know what to say in a meeting. But I also remember people saying millennials were rude for texting. Every generation gets a version of this.
What do you wish people knew? Half the "stare" videos are made for clicks. Including mine. The real person behind the counter is usually just tired, or shy.
Watch: the debate on the news
The four people above are made up. These are real news reports. The video only loads from YouTube when you press play.
In their own words
“I just think we don't care.”
“We think of the phone as an appendage to our bodies.”
What each of them gets right
- Linda is right that small talk at a counter is real connection for some people, especially people who live alone.
- Jayden is right that quiet isn't the same as rude, and a whole generation shouldn't be judged by one look.
- Mrs. Han is right that "polite" changes from place to place, and a small fix (use the name) can work for both sides.
- Priya is right that a lot of this fight lives online, and the online version is louder than the real one. A professor quoted by NBC said the same.
One thing to try
The four people in “Same three questions” are composites, written from the reporting below. They are not real individuals. The videos and the quotes under “In their own words” are real people, as published in the linked sources. Checked on November 2, 2026.
Sources
- Kalhan Rosenblatt — Gen Z is staring at you. It may be more than just a quirk. (NBC News, July 18, 2025)
- Nicole Stock — Yes, Gen Z is staring at you. The question is why. (The New York Times, July 14, 2025)
- NBC News — Millennials poke fun at Gen Z over so-called "Gen Z stare" (July 2025)
- News4JAX — Understanding Gen Z: From staring to scrolling (October 2025)
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