Grandma's pile of presents: generous, too much, or just love?

Four short notes from one family, written before the holidays and never sent.

See It From · November 2, 2026

A wrapped gift box with a terracotta ribbon and a blank paper tag on a wooden kitchen table

The thing itself

A wrapped box under the tree with "From Grandma" on the tag. Sometimes it's one box. Sometimes it's eleven.

In an Interac survey of Canadian parents released in December 2025, 33% said grandparents spend more on their kids' presents than they do, and 21% said they rely on grandparents for help over the holidays. 66% said rising costs were making holiday spending harder (Global News, December 10, 2025).
This year many people plan to cut back. In an Ipsos poll of 2,158 U.S. adults for Thrivent (September 29 to October 8, 2026), 66% said they plan to buy fewer gifts, up from 56% in 2025.

Four notes nobody sent

From Grandma, 67, retired school secretary in Guelph, to her daughter

I know you said "one thing each, Mom." I heard you. But I saw the Lego set Noah talked about at Thanksgiving and it was on sale, and then the art kit was right there.

I didn't have much when you were little. I'm not trying to show you up. I get to be the fun one for one day a year. Is that so bad? If it's about the space, I'll keep some of it at my place for when they visit.

From her daughter, 39, mom of two in Kitchener, to Grandma

It's not that I'm not grateful. I am. It's that we have a two-bedroom townhouse and the kids already have bins of stuff they don't touch.

And this year we're spending less on them. I don't love that Noah opens our two presents and then yours, and yours are the big ones. I feel like I lose something there. That's probably on me. I just don't know how to say it without sounding ungrateful.

From Noah, 10, to Grandma

Dear Grandma. Thank you for the Lego. I already built half of it. Mom said I had to write this.

Also, remember when we went to the science centre and had the fries after? That was the best day. Can we do that again. Love Noah.

From Lolo, 72, his other grandfather, who moved from Manila in 2004, to his son

At home in the Philippines at Christmas the godparents gave the children money, crisp bills, and the kids lined up for it. Nobody worried about too many toys. There weren't many toys.

So I give each grandchild an envelope. Your wife's mother gives boxes. Maybe it looks like I give less. I don't mind. I put some of it in the education savings. I think one day they'll understand the envelope.

Watch: real families on this

The family above is made up. These videos are real people talking about the same question. They only load from YouTube when you press play.

Should grandparents spoil their grandchildren or respect parents' rules? Radio host Carol Ofori talks it through with listeners and an expert on East Coast Radio (South Africa). July 2026, about 11 minutes.

Ways to spoil grandchildren with experiences over possessions. A Minnesota TV segment on grandparents who give outings and time instead of toys. WCCO, December 2016, about 3 minutes.

How to set gift-giving boundaries with grandparents. A parent-side view: how to ask relatives for fewer toys without hurting feelings. Miss Julie's Montessori Minutes, November 2021, about 5 minutes.

What each of them gets right

Grandma is right that giving is one of the few ways she gets to be part of the day, and a lot of families do lean on grandparents at the holidays.
Her daughter is right that it's her house and her budget, and the feeling of being outspent is real even if she can't say it nicely.
Noah remembers the day out more than the box. Kids often do.
Lolo is right that how much a gift "looks like" depends on where you grew up. An envelope can be the bigger gift.

One thing to try

Swap one box for one day. If you're the grandparent, ask the parents which one gift the kid really wants, then give your second gift as an outing with just you. If you're the parent, suggest the outing yourself, so it doesn't sound like a no.

The four people who wrote the notes are composites, written from the surveys and reporting below. They are not real individuals. The people in the videos are real, as published by the linked channels. Numbers were checked on November 2, 2026.

Sources

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